How to Be More Assertive Without Losing Friends!
Posted: Sunday, January 24, 2010
by Mark Darlington
Positive Habits
A lot of people worry about standing up for themselves, fearing that they might upset friends, family or co-workers. In general people don't like conflict and so shy away, ending up feeling used or put upon. Learning how to be assertive without losing friends is a matter of learning to use the right combination of words and body language.
Use Good Posture
Try to remember to stand or sit up straight with your shoulders slightly back. Stand a reasonable distance away from the other person. Being to close may intimidate them, however being too far away will make you seem withdrawn from the conversation.
Speak in Whole Messages
A whole message begins with the way that you feel, followed by when that feeling was triggered, the reason you feel that way, and what you need in order to resolve the issue. The format of a whole message is:
I feel ...... when..... because..... I need.....
Here are a couple examples of this:
" I feel disrespected when you shout at me, because I feel as though I'm being treated like a child. I need you to speak calmly to me."
" I feel a little on edge right now, because I have a job interview in an hour. I need some time to myself, so that I can calm down and think about what I am going to say."
Be Aware of Your Facial Expressions and Tone of Voice
Speak in a clear, even tone without being too loud or speaking too softly.
It is important that you make eye contact with the person you are talking to, so that they know you are paying attention to them. But you need to make sure you are not staring them in the eyes so intently that they feel uncomfortable.
Make sure the expression on your face fits the message you are trying to convey. Smiling while saying that your feelings are hurt will give them the impression that you're not that upset after all. This can lead to confusion and your message not getting through.
Speaking in whole messages will feel more natural the more you do it, and will help you solve problems without creating new ones.
Mark Darlington is a Clinical Hypnotherapist and Success Coach who helps people work through difficult times in their lives. You can call him on 0800 043 1946 or visit www.markdarlington.co.uk for more information.
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)Good posture definately helps feel better, i have noticed many times. And cutting sentences hoping that the other person will understand you anyway is a bad mistake, good, that you are mentioning it here.
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